PRACTICE BEING MY(YOUR)SELF FOR 10 000 HOURS

& only I (YOU) can do this. 

I read an interesting thought (it resonated strongly because of the certain timing in my life right know): the only real job of your life is to know yourself. I mean it is extremely important especially when we speak about people who save other people’s life no? The faster someone knows she/he needs to be a doctor, the sooner she/he becomes one & the better for all humanity!!! I truly believe that only by knowing yourself very well you can find purpose & meaning & be the best you can be for yourself & for others.

Also, I believe it is very important to know (if you still don’t) ASAP what makes you you. Maybe you know, but you forgot & you need to remember. Or maybe it blurred with someone else’s perspective, dreams or needs. Maybe in this case the most common advice someone would tell you (of course to listen is very bad idea, unless you’re the one asking) would be ZOOM OUT. But I say: ZOOOOOOM VERY IIIIIINNNNN (you also don’t have to listen to/read me, unless you want!!).

Why you like/do/want/ think/love/hate/make/choose certain things, or people, or places, or jobs, or bags, or cars, or emotions, or food, or…?

I took these questions very seriously while listening to Charanjit Singh (by blending traditional Indian classical ragas with futuristic electronic rhythms Singh accidentally became the pioneer of acid house sound years before it existed) ‘Ten Ragas To A Disco Beat’ (1982)(+ here is ultra-rare original record for €11,000) & Kraftwerk 2017 ‘3-D The Catalogue’ (2017) because I know that clarity gives total peace with your current time, action & identity.

Before sharing everything, I have to explain the context if you’re new here: from very young age I knew that I will do something that would allow me to keep my freedom. To choose where/how/when/what etc. I am very lucky because more than half of my life I have a chance to do it. But most importantly, I want to stay curious (a curious mind has nothing to prove!!). I want excitement in everything I do because that’s my compass, my north star, my internal GPS. & when that excitement & curiosity is not active in me it’s a sign to change something & it’s my & only my personal responsibility to do that. The goal is to nourish non-stop my potential & combination of outlets that are unique only to me which allows to express my vision & creativity in the best possible way ∞.

I wasn’t always making conscious decisions but my gut feeling was (& is!!!) guiding me & I was (& am!!!) following it. & from time to time I like to recalibrate myself, so this is exactly what I am going to do in upcoming 48 days (today I am in day 27 as august 17th) & this is exactly how it looks. This will be very useful for future me (& I hope for you) because I definitely will do it again & again & as many times as I want because this is my hobby & you’re not the same person you where 3 minutes ago. This is space where I let myself (intentionally) to evolve.

1st of all: I decided to stop looking outside & start looking inside.

In order to protect my own imagination. I start searching inside myself. & this was not easy*. I deleted social media apps (instagram – they keep sending me emails what’s new & pushing to open the app with big button Open Instagram haha, tiktok – even though I was never very active there, pinterest, facebook) that occupied too much of my attention, my time, my energy & my authenticity because for some time I was mainly using it not for sharing things I create & like, but more for consuming & looking what others were creating & liking.

I was working with social media from 2013 & many years my source of inspiration was other people (women & men) who were successful to me in real life & on social media (at least I thought so, but not necessarily). I was trying to become the best version of myself by combining all of them together if you know what I mean. I thought that only in this way I would become successful too (at that time I didn’t really trust my taste & eye) because the path was already tested by others, so in my head it was safe & maybe even guaranteed. Because they did something right. Because people liked them. At that time being successful for me = being liked by others. I think this mindset came from childhood traumas 🙂 Anyways, I was seeking for validation. For permission. I wanted to fit in. But there is a very thin line if you take inspiration from where everyone else is taking – then you will look like everyone else. But at the same time by doing that I knew that I want to find my authenticity. My own way. Because I saw how good & magnetic it looked on others. Fake it till you make is not my fav mantra but I guess till certain point it does the magic until it doesn’t: eventually you have to become that person you were pretending to be. If not – then hara-kiri (a traditional Japanese ritual suicide).

Even though I wanted to be a tastemaker – I was just a follower. & the more I followed, the more lost I felt. I think I forgot that my job was not to convince the internet that I am interesting but to stay deeply interested in the world. Every time it became harder & harder for me to do even little like what others were doing. I felt more frustration. More sadness. More apathy. In some way it even paralysed me. It clearly wasn’t working. Because it simply was NOT ME. There is a very good saying: you will never touch the hearts of others if it doesn’t emerge from your own.

So I’ve realised that big part of what I was doing didn’t fully emerge from my own heart.

At some point that feeling became so strong that I couldn’t ignore it anymore. & I am sooooo happy I didn’t. So I decided to take action (maybe inevitably everything you once struggled with becomes part of your super power?). I started to rebuilt my relationship with my creativity. Some time ago I detached myself from everything that wasn’t working in my favour. Also, I stopped following all the people (in real life too) who influenced my choices, my taste, how I looked, what I liked, where I wanted to go on holiday, what I wanted to buy, etc. & life literally got 9987293859192939347% better. & because it worked so good before, by doing my recalibration this time – I’ve decided to delete social media completely,. Best part – I don’t feel fomo. Even opposite, I feel jomo – joy of missing out (you can see some of my jomo moments vol.1, vol.2 & vol.3). I guess because it was another very intentional decision.

Btw, my main apps on iphone rn is strava (to count my steps!), substack (but not super active, I follow here only 13 accounts), vestiaire for vintage findings, youtube & spotify for music digging. & I really felt I want to write + share this post despite the fact that I am on social media detox, but I feel abundance!!!! & this is best possible place to share from 🙂 I come to give, not to receive. It’s like an invitation to my world. & maybe real luxury is selective presence, choosing when to exist in public while shaping taste by experiences in private?

2nd: it was crucial for me to create some recalibration agenda.

Because I am person of structure. I have to know exactly what I am going to do (but at the same time being open & curious for unexpected things). From july 22th to september 7th (today is 27/48) everyday I repeatedly do same things (I am aware that to create this space for myself & to do all this for a chosen period of time is a real privilege & I don’t take it for grated):

8 hours sleep!, meditation, workout (gym or at home, I have treadmill in my bedroom & resistance bands & some weights & a chair, which works perfectly for various exercises, because you should do what you can with what you have, using resources that are available to you, always, no excuses!!!), looong walks, protein food, music + music + music (digging, buying, listening, reading, understanding, digging again, organising, feeling, dancing, mixing, recording, disappointing, loving), writing & making lists (I need to see my thoughts black on white that’s the best way I really take the ideas in), inspiration in real life not on iphone or mac screen: juicy meaningful conversations with my person, museums, books & magazines, reading inspiring interviews, going deep into music/fashion/architecture history or watching iconic movies – this kind of staring at screen is very allowed: La Dolce Vita (1960), the Catwalk (1995), or simply ‘More Beautiful Women’ a 2002 digital film project by photographer Nick Knight – watching people while drinking my espresso in the cafè, nature (especially sunsets), talking to strangers, not looking at google reviews & discovering things accidentally + intentional disconnection from regular communication with friends & family (this is a must condition for total self-observation, your partner doesn’t count because it’s the only person who has full VIP 24/7 access to all stages of your life).

Yep, nothing grand. Just repetition of things. Sometimes super boring. But I feel that’s how life that I want will be built.

 

3rd: making a list of what makes me me.

Art (& life) comes from living. Not watching other people’s life, but living yours. It’s like ordering in the restaurant & you would say: “I’ll have what she is having”. But no baby, you have to order your own selection & develop your own taste by understand what’s tasty & what’s not for you. Or ask waiter to change your order because it was not the thing you really wanted. Maybe even burn your tongue because food was too hot.

You have to know how does your universe looks like & why. Why what I do is important to me? What experiences shaped me who I am? Things that are unique only for me. Talk to myself. Be with myself. Think with myself.

Sometimes you just have to remind yourself your story. It’s interesting, because while you’re digging deep into yourself & your experiences – at the same time new version of you is rising. I have my list in my note book & my iphone notes (also in my email, just in case). The list can be in your head. Doesn’t matter as long as it is active in you. This helps a lot to become less interested in being liked by others & more interested in being aligned with yourself & being liked by you. Also to bring on the table your vision, your eye, your taste, your energy, your perspective, your way of making people feel. I also have lists for my favourite producers, djs, artists, fashion & interior designers, brands, my goals, places, movies, museums, things I have to do, food shopping items, favourite quotes, names of new neighbours or new people I meet (I am very bad with names), my ideas, doctor appointments etc. I think I do lists for everything. Remember – at the end of the day being yourself shouldn’t be hard, it should be uniquely easy for you 🙂

4th: making a list of daily beliefs I repeat myself.

This is very important + a really cool thing. The more I repeat myself certain things the more I believe it, the more I believe it, the more spaces it takes in my head, the more space it takes, the more power I give to it, the more power I give to it, the more energy it gives me to act. &… all becomes reality. Turning pain into purpose & shadow into gold + healthy arrogance.

Here are a few mantras I remind myself everyday (but I really wish you to create your own): – I don’t need permission to take up space; – I don’t chase approval; – I do nothing on my own, I am in a partnership with the universe; – What if it works? – I trust that everything is happening when & how it should happen; – If it’s mine, it will come & I will be where & how I have to be, no need for tension; – Don’t be attached to result; – Be patient & trust the timing; – I am making decisions only from love, abundance & from life I am building, not fear; – Don’t take things too serious; – Life is an experiment so play & have fun; – Extraordinary things can happen any time.

There is a famous lines by one of the best Lithuanian filmmaker & artist Jonas Mekas: “I woke up. A voice said: You don’t have to go anywhere. You just have to make yourself ready. Everything will come by itself.”

I think daily beliefs helps us to make ourselves ready.

5th: long-term vision & plan.

This comes only with quiet mind. Total isolation. Zero distraction. I am in progress 🙂 + before this – doing my closet rebranding & selling or gifting things that no longer represent me somehow works like magic!!!

I believe the whole point of success is to become more of who you are. That’s the main reason why I share all this – maybe it will encourage you to become more of yourself too. Nothing truly meaningful can be rushed. Most important things take time to unfold & 48 days is just 1152 hours of practicing being myself but I guess there is no end game. Only the process. But we are not here forever.

So, let(‘s) go!

I’ll finish this with my most loved quote by Isaac Asimov: “Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere, doing something else, being someone else.”

+If you find grammar mistakes or typos keep in mind I wrote everything as I would talk to my friend (not AI) <33
++I have created new spotify playlist with h@@@@@t tracks (press here), because you never know when you’ll hear your next favourite song.

XOXO,
S.